Writings By Date| Gettin' Shot | 1 | 2 |
But somehow, this all seems wrong to me. Do all cultures of the world get dozens of shots, prescriptions for medication, and lectures about avoiding salads and raw fish? How the hell am I supposed to survive in Japan, then? Did Gengkis Khan travel the Silk Road with a caravan full of Immodium AD? Hey, I watch Dateline: there's no way American water isn't just as dirty as everyone else's. This is clearly an AMERICAN problem.
And I think I know why. With all our vast technical and egomaniacal superiority, it appears that Americans have not only gotten soft in the butt, we've gone limp on the inside, as well. After decades of sitting on our fat asses watching TV, our immune system has followed suit, and is now too lazy and ineffective to do so much as the microbiological equivalent of shooing away a fly. The result: we Americans can't even walk one mile south of Texas without contracting some fatal bacterial disease that will turn our spleen into salami. Some of us can't even get through Texas, but that's mostly George W.'s fault.
As if we didn't already have enough shame of being Americans, we also have to deal with the fact that we're going to be puking uncontrollably pretty much everywhere we go. And so we get in line for our shots at the Travel Clinic. I've now been stabbed a total of seven times, with about three more to go. We could have had another seven if we'd elected to get the "Platinum Immunization Package", which includes "bonus" shots (at $70-160 apiece) for rabies and Japanese encephalitis. We told them that we could alter our behavior enough to avoid exposing ourselves to these diseases, having read the pamphlets carefully, and now deciding to alter our itinerary to only cover a ten-mile stretch around Atlantic City.
But for me, the real reason I'm declining the additional immuno-coverage is because of the sheer overload it would be on my white blood cells. Hell, I remember what it was like to cram just before an exam: one hour after it started, I forgot everything. So the last thing I want to do is force my immune system to "cram" for this trip, only to be faced with a bacteria three days into the journey, saying, "Wait, are you a malaria virus, or a typhoid virus? Or are you Hepatitis? Shoot...can I use a lifeline?" Next thing you know, I've got a 115-degree fever, and my eyeballs are turning purple.
No thanks. I'll just take the Hepatitis, typhoid, tetanus/diptheria, measles/mumps/rubella, polio, and yellow fever shots, and call it a...hey, is this a rash? Where'd that come from?
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